Players: Angel & Gregor
Props: Bit of paper where Gregor has written his “Rules for being Gregor’s best Friend”.
Gregor appears, feeling a bit disconsolate.
Gregor: Weeks. Weeks it’s been and nobody calls Gregor… no. When I see people at the shops it’s all… Oh… There are people here. Hello. I am Gregor. And you are people. This is good. Gregor loves people. Unless they have sticky hands. Gregor doesn’t like people with sticky hands. Do you? Show me your hands. SHOW ME YOUR HANDS. Ok. The back row can stay. And maybe the front row… There are some very good looking people here. And some quite ugly ones… Gregor thinks the band should leave.
Looks around
I have been thinking. There is a problem you see… I have been looking for a best friend, and there aren’t that many suitable candidates. You need to be nice, and funny, and good looking (but not as good looking as Gregor).. You need to be healthy because I don’t want to look after you when you are sick. You need to be happy, because I don’t like gloomy people. It is important that you are very rich. If you are not very rich, how will you give Gregor presents? It is very difficult.
So I have decided that I am going to run a contest. It will be called “Gregor Idol”. The prize will be that you get to be Gregor’s best friend. For a while. We will see how that works out. So… I want you all to form a line in front of Gregor. Come now…
Angel appears
Angel: Oh dear. Gregor what are you doing?
Gregor: Sorry, no blondes allowed.
Angel: What?
Gregor: I mean it. Wait. I know you from somewhere…
Angel: Do you?
Gregor: Yes. I think you were very annoying and a little bit stupid.
Angel: No that can’t have been me. Or maybe it could. I’m feeling a little confused. I get… confused… sometimes. Or do I? Yes. Yes I do.
Gregor: Yes… Just wait a minute my Angelic acquaintance. Is it possible that somebody took out your brain and replaced it with some kind of bouncy ball? Because you’re not making any sense at all just now.
Angel: I’m just a little confused. Or a lot confused. I came in here to tell you a story, and now I don’t remember what year it is and you were asking the children to make a line and…. Wait. Why were you doing that?
Gregor: It was for Gregor Idol.
Angel: Gregor what?
Gregor: Gregor Idol. I was going to have the children line up and then find two odd looking fools to talk to them… but I think we might have that covered.
Angel: Just tell me… What precisely is Gregor Idol?
Gregor: It is the greatest competition in Australia. It is the competition to be Gregor’s best friend. It costs only three hundred dollars to enter.
Angel: Three hundred dollars? That’s a lot of money. What do you get if you win?
Gregor: You get to be my best friend. You get to take me to the beach, and buy me nice cold drinks, and massage my head, and take me on holidays, and drive me to the shops, and make me cakes, and sometimes I’m allowed to shout at you for no good reason. You know. The usual thing.
Angel: Um… are you sure that’s what a best friend does?
Gregor: Not just any best friend… Gregor’s best friend.
Angel: Oh. Is that what your best friend now does?
Gregor: I don’t have a best friend at the moment.
Angel: Um..
Gregor: That is why there is the competition.
Angel: Gregor Idol.
Gregor: That’s right. Gregor Idol.
Angel: And what will you do for your best friend?
Gregor: I don’t understand.
Angel: Well… if your best friend does all those nice things for you… what will you do for them?
Gregor: What are you talking about?
Angel: Well friends help eachother Gregor. They don’t just have one person who does nice things for the other. Things are better when people help eachother.
Gregor: I think you have gone doolally.
Angel: No, listen Gregor…
Gregor: Don’t listen to the crazy angel children. He’s frightening and wrong.
The angel keeps talking while Gregor hums disbelievingly… getting more and more annoyed.. finishing up with a raised voice on the last sentence.
Angel: Gregor I know this doesn’t seem to make sense to you but…. Listen… People can’t just be selfish all the time… because… if you just try and help eachother… Gregor… WE’RE ALL CONNECTED!
Gregor: What?
Angel: We’re all connected. Things don’t just happen to me.. they happen to us. If something nice happens to me I try and share… like at the moment, I have this great news to tell. I like to tell good news. It makes me happy, and it might make the children happy and it might even make you happy. If you listen.
Gregor: To you.
Angel: Yes.
Gregor: Alright Gregor Idol contestants. We will listen to the crazy angel. For a minute. But if she’s too crazy we will go back to the competition.
Angel: I just got to share great news with a woman called Mary. She’s going to have a baby, and it will be very special.
Gregor: Because it will be a baby made of Gold?
Angel: No. What?
Gregor: Because it will be called Gregor?
Angel: No. You said you’d listen. The baby will be very special because it will be God’s baby. I got to tell Mary that she was going to have God’s baby. She was so excited she went and sang a song about it. It’s going to be such an important baby.
Gregor: Well that is all very good… But why does Gregor care?
Angel: Because Gregor… we’re all connected. I keep telling you.
Gregor: you make no sense.
Angel: Just wait. Trust me on this one.
They disappear
Gregor Idol by Gareth Darlow is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 Australia License.
